Cocaine moonlight bliss.
A twist.
Suck it down. The sight of redwine glads.
Oh daddy, I love it when you're bad.
Stoned out dreams.
Dandy weeds/
Tell me you love my pothead personality.
Reggie rebellious.
Psychedelic.
Play it hard until I just can't take it.
You feign innocence.
In a taste? In a sense?
Vibe's past tense.
Babe's smile is real rare, ancient coy.
Biv G. Roy.
Cashmere deals.
Life of the real.
More than just the appeal.
Bitching bees.
I'm such a tease!
I'm on the list because life is for the young and I dance to it like it's a party.
Velvet hills roll on.
Love has been long gone.
You're stupid if you're looking for love.
Oh, I'm troubled, I'm wrong.
Shooting star sought by a wanderer.
Skinny Popular.
Beautiful Nothings
Hiii there(: I'm just a girl who loves to write. I mainly write short stories but here is where I share some of my poetry. Browse at your leisure.
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Belladonna
She was spring.
Gentle and Flawless, derived from the sunlight.
Easy on the eyes, Sprouting her arms up to the glass sky.
Free.
The way her feet kiss the Earth life it's true love then depart from it.
She always dances, perceived to be in the summertime of her life.
No one sees.
No one should ever have to but me.
When she's stressing and she's got those damn feelings of her hurt.
She feels she's ugly, Dear God, and she sits and it's inly her and the cocaine moon.
She doesn't know that she's the golden gladness to our afternoons.
Gentle and Flawless, derived from the sunlight.
Easy on the eyes, Sprouting her arms up to the glass sky.
Free.
The way her feet kiss the Earth life it's true love then depart from it.
She always dances, perceived to be in the summertime of her life.
No one sees.
No one should ever have to but me.
When she's stressing and she's got those damn feelings of her hurt.
She feels she's ugly, Dear God, and she sits and it's inly her and the cocaine moon.
She doesn't know that she's the golden gladness to our afternoons.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Fantasy
I began
I began to loose myself
In a fantasy
You, me
A burning in my belly
You
Snuck
In
Not too late
At night
You kissed my lips
My tongue
Home
where it belongs
You taste like
Home
You've tasted like it all along
I
Find
Myself
When I'm with you
I risk everything
Feeling's so true
I
uh
Lost myself
In a fantasy
A dream
You lay me down
Put me down
When I'm looking into you
Deep within those pools
I
Can't
Describe how much
To you
Tell
You how much
I do
I really do
Love you
I lost
I lost myself in a fantasy
Where you were here
Lyin' in bed
.. With Me..
.. The Heat..
..The breeze..
..Summer In..
6
weeks..
Where'd it go?
The time.
Ofcourse as everyone says
It flew away
Out that same window
You came in
But time..
Will never fulfill my needs
Time will simply never..
Be enough
For me.
Especially when..
I'm lyin' here
Not close enough to you
Nor sleep
Lyin' here
Lost in my fantasy
I'm wreckless
Can get wild
Hard to control
But overlook that.
It all start with a single crave.
April 18th. If I tried,
I'd never,
In a trillion years,
Ever,
Let myself have the chance
To forget this day
This night
Feeling's so right
Only thing missing
Besides the blue
That belongs to me
Belongs to you
And is you
You're it
Here right now
These sheets
They're wet
With ocen sprays
Oceans that take my away
All whilst
I'm here
Lost floating on my mattress
Warm waters
Your blues
They're deeper than this sea
This need
To be with you
Mind consuming
In my room and
I'm all alone
I can't stand it
Thoughts they roam
All over my body
And also this
Place, Fantasies
Don't you hear that
Where ever you are
You're in the wrong place
I thought for sure
You belonged in these barriers
Outside of my mind
In my room,
Filling up body space
Don't you hear that
That wind
It blows for you
And everything
You've ever
In my world
Allowed or
Let in
It blows for you
And all you do
I losy my mind here
In fantasies
Because I know you'll never actually want to be here
With me
I forgot to add that part
To my dream
And with that though
I don't know what to believe
Only what I should
The waves,
They crash against the shore
And I know that I don't belong here
Or anywhere
Anymore
Bringing my mattress back,
Forcing it in through
My room door
So I take a step
Falling out of my head
Tripping into reality once again
Here I am
And reality is not what I'd ever wanted
I began to loose myself
In a fantasy
You, me
A burning in my belly
You
Snuck
In
Not too late
At night
You kissed my lips
My tongue
Home
where it belongs
You taste like
Home
You've tasted like it all along
I
Find
Myself
When I'm with you
I risk everything
Feeling's so true
I
uh
Lost myself
In a fantasy
A dream
You lay me down
Put me down
When I'm looking into you
Deep within those pools
I
Can't
Describe how much
To you
Tell
You how much
I do
I really do
Love you
I lost
I lost myself in a fantasy
Where you were here
Lyin' in bed
.. With Me..
.. The Heat..
..The breeze..
..Summer In..
6
weeks..
Where'd it go?
The time.
Ofcourse as everyone says
It flew away
Out that same window
You came in
But time..
Will never fulfill my needs
Time will simply never..
Be enough
For me.
Especially when..
I'm lyin' here
Not close enough to you
Nor sleep
Lyin' here
Lost in my fantasy
I'm wreckless
Can get wild
Hard to control
But overlook that.
It all start with a single crave.
April 18th. If I tried,
I'd never,
In a trillion years,
Ever,
Let myself have the chance
To forget this day
This night
Feeling's so right
Only thing missing
Besides the blue
That belongs to me
Belongs to you
And is you
You're it
Here right now
These sheets
They're wet
With ocen sprays
Oceans that take my away
All whilst
I'm here
Lost floating on my mattress
Warm waters
Your blues
They're deeper than this sea
This need
To be with you
Mind consuming
In my room and
I'm all alone
I can't stand it
Thoughts they roam
All over my body
And also this
Place, Fantasies
Don't you hear that
Where ever you are
You're in the wrong place
I thought for sure
You belonged in these barriers
Outside of my mind
In my room,
Filling up body space
Don't you hear that
That wind
It blows for you
And everything
You've ever
In my world
Allowed or
Let in
It blows for you
And all you do
I losy my mind here
In fantasies
Because I know you'll never actually want to be here
With me
I forgot to add that part
To my dream
And with that though
I don't know what to believe
Only what I should
The waves,
They crash against the shore
And I know that I don't belong here
Or anywhere
Anymore
Bringing my mattress back,
Forcing it in through
My room door
So I take a step
Falling out of my head
Tripping into reality once again
Here I am
And reality is not what I'd ever wanted
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
"Everything you were never told" pages 21-24 (short story)
I throw my hands up in distress screaming at nothing but I can't old it in. I lave my fingers over my mouth. Hop materializes.
"Well, hello to you, too." Her uterus is a little swollen but not much. She doesn't look pregnant but she is. I know so because she wraps her arms over her belly as if to protect the fetus.
"How far along?" Tears stream down my face. Maybe because in a way, I wish she was pregnant with my kid, I wouldn't want to be a parent at so young but... I don't know, it's all confusing... I just know I'd be a better father than that douche. Such a sorry excuse for a dad.
"Four months." she barely says.
"How?" Spare me the details.
"I was drunk, Will." She tries to keep an even tone, defending herself.
"Ah, you were drunk," I get up and walk towards her. "That's a good excuse, right? 'I was wasted.' Listen to yourself!" My face is on fire.
"You hypocrite!" she slaps me. "You're drunk right now!"
I recoil. "Oh please Hope, Hop, Alicia, whatever the fuck your name is! I'm not drunk! How do you think I drove here!?"
"I can smell the liquor on your breath." She whispers angerily at me like I'm the one in the wrong here.
"Well, then," I back away slowly. "Have fun raising this baby on your own!" I exclaim and I turn and leave. Just like that.
---
For weeks, I've followed a similar schedule. I wake up, go to my classes, come home, polosh off a bottle of vodka, excercise, and then I just sit. Sit at my desk and look out the window and think until around one-thirty, two o'clock. Then I go to bed. And even then, I don;t really sleep. When I do, in my slumbers I have nightmares and then I wake up and pour myself amglass of water and sit at my desk again.
My roommate, Benny, used to ask me if I wanted to go out with him and his friends but after awhile, he just gave up. Just as I'm going into my room to sit, Benny stops me.
"Hey, I'm going to the store. Do you need anything?"
"No." I answer dryly.
"Kay. Fine. Bye then." he says in an awkward sarcastic tone.
Fifteen minutes into my sitting time, I find myself hopping into the dodge and driving until I pass Tanks Bar and Grill. Then I'm at Alicia's door. I wish someone had all the answeres. I wish someone would just tell my why I'm here because this is the last place I want to be at.
I lift my fist as if to knock but pause and drop my arm back to my side. I remember I have a key so I twist it in the lock. I'm begging you if you're listening, why am I here?
I find her bed and she's not in it. In fact, I don't even know where she is, all I know is I'm laying down now, caressing a teddy bead I guess she sleeps with.
I wake up to find myself mumbling words I can't even make out, words I can't understand but I'm surely saying them. Slowly, I begin to process.
"Everything." It takes awhile for me to get the next word out. "Has." Everything has what? "Changed." Oh.
I go to the bathriim and fill the tube while stripping my clothes off. Scamming through my pockets, I find a single ciggarette and light it. I lay in the tub, smoking the ciggarette, and stare out the open door into the hallway.
Some time passes and I get out, grasping the sink, staring at myself in the mirror. A pair of arms wrap around my soaking wet body. I turn into them and I'm hugging her back.
"How lovely of you to come." She says vaguely, like she's barely pressing on. Unintentionally, my hands find her stomach. It's empty now. I get on my knees, unzip her pants, pull them down and hold her shirt up a little so I can kiss her stomach. I get up.
"He left?" I half-smile.
"Mhm." She says tiredly. The bags under her eyes make her look like she's fourty-seven.
"When's he going to visit? Where is he?"
"She's in heaven."
"Well, hello to you, too." Her uterus is a little swollen but not much. She doesn't look pregnant but she is. I know so because she wraps her arms over her belly as if to protect the fetus.
"How far along?" Tears stream down my face. Maybe because in a way, I wish she was pregnant with my kid, I wouldn't want to be a parent at so young but... I don't know, it's all confusing... I just know I'd be a better father than that douche. Such a sorry excuse for a dad.
"Four months." she barely says.
"How?" Spare me the details.
"I was drunk, Will." She tries to keep an even tone, defending herself.
"Ah, you were drunk," I get up and walk towards her. "That's a good excuse, right? 'I was wasted.' Listen to yourself!" My face is on fire.
"You hypocrite!" she slaps me. "You're drunk right now!"
I recoil. "Oh please Hope, Hop, Alicia, whatever the fuck your name is! I'm not drunk! How do you think I drove here!?"
"I can smell the liquor on your breath." She whispers angerily at me like I'm the one in the wrong here.
"Well, then," I back away slowly. "Have fun raising this baby on your own!" I exclaim and I turn and leave. Just like that.
---
For weeks, I've followed a similar schedule. I wake up, go to my classes, come home, polosh off a bottle of vodka, excercise, and then I just sit. Sit at my desk and look out the window and think until around one-thirty, two o'clock. Then I go to bed. And even then, I don;t really sleep. When I do, in my slumbers I have nightmares and then I wake up and pour myself amglass of water and sit at my desk again.
My roommate, Benny, used to ask me if I wanted to go out with him and his friends but after awhile, he just gave up. Just as I'm going into my room to sit, Benny stops me.
"Hey, I'm going to the store. Do you need anything?"
"No." I answer dryly.
"Kay. Fine. Bye then." he says in an awkward sarcastic tone.
Fifteen minutes into my sitting time, I find myself hopping into the dodge and driving until I pass Tanks Bar and Grill. Then I'm at Alicia's door. I wish someone had all the answeres. I wish someone would just tell my why I'm here because this is the last place I want to be at.
I lift my fist as if to knock but pause and drop my arm back to my side. I remember I have a key so I twist it in the lock. I'm begging you if you're listening, why am I here?
I find her bed and she's not in it. In fact, I don't even know where she is, all I know is I'm laying down now, caressing a teddy bead I guess she sleeps with.
I wake up to find myself mumbling words I can't even make out, words I can't understand but I'm surely saying them. Slowly, I begin to process.
"Everything." It takes awhile for me to get the next word out. "Has." Everything has what? "Changed." Oh.
I go to the bathriim and fill the tube while stripping my clothes off. Scamming through my pockets, I find a single ciggarette and light it. I lay in the tub, smoking the ciggarette, and stare out the open door into the hallway.
Some time passes and I get out, grasping the sink, staring at myself in the mirror. A pair of arms wrap around my soaking wet body. I turn into them and I'm hugging her back.
"How lovely of you to come." She says vaguely, like she's barely pressing on. Unintentionally, my hands find her stomach. It's empty now. I get on my knees, unzip her pants, pull them down and hold her shirt up a little so I can kiss her stomach. I get up.
"He left?" I half-smile.
"Mhm." She says tiredly. The bags under her eyes make her look like she's fourty-seven.
"When's he going to visit? Where is he?"
"She's in heaven."
Gone
Sometimes I want to fight.
Stand up.
Fight him.
To the death.
What do you do when someone does that to you?
Pisses you off so bad that you just want to jump across the table and start stabbing them?
But you know if you do that, they'll die, and eventually, it's going to hit you.
So instead, what do I do?
I sit here and chew on my bottom lip, sit on my hands and I glare at him, send my thoughts into his mind.
Why did you just say that?
Why aren't you saying anything?
Why do you do what you do to me?
Can't you understand I hate you!?
I shout at him.
All I get in reply is a stare back and then him sliding his thumb across his ipod, changing the song.
That's it.
I slam my fist against the table, get up, and walk away.
I run to the restroom and start tearing tissues from their rolls.
Mascara turns to thick, black, filmy, tears and I throw a trashcan at the mirrors.
Or atleast in my mind I do.
No but really, I just keep sitting here,
Say something!
I destroy myself.
In my mind, he pushes me to the ground and leaves.
But then, later on, he comes back and finds me laying my head on the table.
And he's crying with me.
He just does that.
Chokes my heart.
Catches my feelings on fire.
He's why my wrists are numb, he's why I want to die, he's my reason why.
Sometimes I think I'll run away.
All alone.
To Florida.
Fuck the past, I'll have no past.
Just a bright future.
Running all the time.
I'll call myself Katie and I won't have a date of birth.
Or a home place.
Or a favorite song.
Or a past.
It will all be stolen away from me somewhere along the way.
I'll just mentally forget.
Sometime's I wish you'd save me but you told me that that wasn't your job.
You hurt me and I start crying and you tell me to grow up.
And something about being a warrior.
You tell me to fight back as if I wont.
"Bye." you say, and leave.
You make me plead for you to stay because I'm so tired of you saying goodbye.
You know that without you, I'd be nothing.
That's why you do it.
Because I love you.
I get up now, kiss you on the head, and I leave.
Not because I am strong but because I am weak.
Stand up.
Fight him.
To the death.
What do you do when someone does that to you?
Pisses you off so bad that you just want to jump across the table and start stabbing them?
But you know if you do that, they'll die, and eventually, it's going to hit you.
So instead, what do I do?
I sit here and chew on my bottom lip, sit on my hands and I glare at him, send my thoughts into his mind.
Why did you just say that?
Why aren't you saying anything?
Why do you do what you do to me?
Can't you understand I hate you!?
I shout at him.
All I get in reply is a stare back and then him sliding his thumb across his ipod, changing the song.
That's it.
I slam my fist against the table, get up, and walk away.
I run to the restroom and start tearing tissues from their rolls.
Mascara turns to thick, black, filmy, tears and I throw a trashcan at the mirrors.
Or atleast in my mind I do.
No but really, I just keep sitting here,
Say something!
I destroy myself.
In my mind, he pushes me to the ground and leaves.
But then, later on, he comes back and finds me laying my head on the table.
And he's crying with me.
He just does that.
Chokes my heart.
Catches my feelings on fire.
He's why my wrists are numb, he's why I want to die, he's my reason why.
Sometimes I think I'll run away.
All alone.
To Florida.
Fuck the past, I'll have no past.
Just a bright future.
Running all the time.
I'll call myself Katie and I won't have a date of birth.
Or a home place.
Or a favorite song.
Or a past.
It will all be stolen away from me somewhere along the way.
I'll just mentally forget.
Sometime's I wish you'd save me but you told me that that wasn't your job.
You hurt me and I start crying and you tell me to grow up.
And something about being a warrior.
You tell me to fight back as if I wont.
"Bye." you say, and leave.
You make me plead for you to stay because I'm so tired of you saying goodbye.
You know that without you, I'd be nothing.
That's why you do it.
Because I love you.
I get up now, kiss you on the head, and I leave.
Not because I am strong but because I am weak.
In this park
These walks work renewal into the soul, the mind, the heart.
Enlightment always happens here, in this park.
It's here I learn so much about the past, the future, even the present.
Sometimes I learn things I never wanted to know but they're kindred life lessons I'll take with me where ever I go.
Enlightment always happens here, in this park.
It's here I learn so much about the past, the future, even the present.
Sometimes I learn things I never wanted to know but they're kindred life lessons I'll take with me where ever I go.
Monday, July 29, 2013
Read this in creative writing (untitled)
Tired eyes, too fearful to sleep.
A swollen heart anchors down,
a heavy weight.
Fluttering eyelids droop, as stars release themselves
to the skies. Atleast they have somewhere to belong,
unlike I.
A lone soul in the world tonight, drowning under
five feet, six inches in nostalgia, a song so deep.
Bones rendered to the floor, too hard to fight
life anymore, half past 8:oo A.M.
I'd crawl my way half across the world if I
could only recognize my own feet again.
I'd sleep anywhere, in a boat, if only I could get
away from home and I'd stay afloat.
I'd fight in life's sick games, me against the devil, bare-handed, one tied behind my back.
All I've known is to follow pavements
until I'm far enough away from my beleaguer
demonds and I will never find out what makes even them stick with me,
usually no one attracts.
Where are you on this restless night?
You'd told me you'd stay.
No matter how many hours I stay up,
no matter how many hours I sleep, I guess
I'll never be able to make things right.
So I'm going to go now, walk out by the bay.
Even what most call paradise
couldn't keep my frights away.
As I approach the sea, something haunts me.
Chilled to the bone, goosebumps make their homes
on my arms.
I nurse a headache, all of the world's pain on my shoulders. If only I was brave.
End things. Another unfinished thought.
I find myself laying in the sand.
I make a blanket of my worries, a pillow of the atmosphere,
count all of the stars, I wish I can. Most nights, I break into a cold sweat, I scream.
Make myself some hot chocolate milk but not
even that helps because the presence of my dreams
still haunts me.
So many voices echo in my head, calling my name.
I never recognize one of them and insomnia is the result of the everlasting bitterness
of my pain.
I've filled books with empty memories, I've burried myself beneath papers, or I'm quite
sure I have.
The dilemma is usually if I sleep, when I awake, I remember only a single thing.
There's someone out there who once belonger to me, even if I can't remember my own or their name.
So I sit and stare at the mirror and try to figure out who I am.
Everyday I restart over and I know something must have traumatized me to the point of memory loss,
All I know is I'm somewhere in the world, burried in a beach
and I'm some kind of, for whatever reason, worry-filled girl.
A swollen heart anchors down,
a heavy weight.
Fluttering eyelids droop, as stars release themselves
to the skies. Atleast they have somewhere to belong,
unlike I.
A lone soul in the world tonight, drowning under
five feet, six inches in nostalgia, a song so deep.
Bones rendered to the floor, too hard to fight
life anymore, half past 8:oo A.M.
I'd crawl my way half across the world if I
could only recognize my own feet again.
I'd sleep anywhere, in a boat, if only I could get
away from home and I'd stay afloat.
I'd fight in life's sick games, me against the devil, bare-handed, one tied behind my back.
All I've known is to follow pavements
until I'm far enough away from my beleaguer
demonds and I will never find out what makes even them stick with me,
usually no one attracts.
Where are you on this restless night?
You'd told me you'd stay.
No matter how many hours I stay up,
no matter how many hours I sleep, I guess
I'll never be able to make things right.
So I'm going to go now, walk out by the bay.
Even what most call paradise
couldn't keep my frights away.
As I approach the sea, something haunts me.
Chilled to the bone, goosebumps make their homes
on my arms.
I nurse a headache, all of the world's pain on my shoulders. If only I was brave.
End things. Another unfinished thought.
I find myself laying in the sand.
I make a blanket of my worries, a pillow of the atmosphere,
count all of the stars, I wish I can. Most nights, I break into a cold sweat, I scream.
Make myself some hot chocolate milk but not
even that helps because the presence of my dreams
still haunts me.
So many voices echo in my head, calling my name.
I never recognize one of them and insomnia is the result of the everlasting bitterness
of my pain.
I've filled books with empty memories, I've burried myself beneath papers, or I'm quite
sure I have.
The dilemma is usually if I sleep, when I awake, I remember only a single thing.
There's someone out there who once belonger to me, even if I can't remember my own or their name.
So I sit and stare at the mirror and try to figure out who I am.
Everyday I restart over and I know something must have traumatized me to the point of memory loss,
All I know is I'm somewhere in the world, burried in a beach
and I'm some kind of, for whatever reason, worry-filled girl.
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